and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
