Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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