I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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