I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
