Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
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