My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
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Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
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Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize