The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
You're completely useless in the revolution.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Randomize
