pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
In America we eat man semen.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
