too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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