I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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