well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
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Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
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Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
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