My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
