mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
