look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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