i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
