when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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