I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Randomize
