Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the gays at disneyland are vicious
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize