Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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