How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
