Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
