who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize