I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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