erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
