I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
