I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
