You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Randomize
