Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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