Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
