cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I think I sprained my soul last night
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
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