I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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