Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
