hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
