How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
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