It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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