im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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