Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
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