I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
