Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Oh god it's open bar.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
