I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Randomize
