we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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