Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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