then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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