I cannot find my penis.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone signed my nipple.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize