I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
