I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Randomize
