im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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