i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
