i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
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