oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
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