Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
