apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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