Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
