I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I just blew my weed a kiss
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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