On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
