Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
