been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
