So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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