you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
