I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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