i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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