I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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