im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
