he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
