dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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