I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
