Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
