I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
