She went from zero to smokin in five shots
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
