Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
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