just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Randomize
