You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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