He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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