The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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