At least make sure they are 18
Why
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
